


The Rise and Fall of Alfredo Linguini and the Rats from Paris (2020 Remastered)

by jacobedawson



Category: Ratatouille (2007)
Genre: Gen, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:00:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24147016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacobedawson/pseuds/jacobedawson
Summary: The Continuation of the 2007 Pixar Film "Ratatouille", nuff said.





	The Rise and Fall of Alfredo Linguini and the Rats from Paris (2020 Remastered)

**Author's Note:**

> Foreword from the Author- Jacob Dawson  
> Well what can I say, this was a pleasure to write and in this short story I aim to address many socio-political issues such as toxic masculinity as well as examples of blatant sexism which no one should take into the real world. I just hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it, thank you *takes bow*.

The small restaurant started by Colette and Linguini and part owned by Anton Ego, “La Ratatouille” had been running successfully for years after its initial opening in November 2007. Despite the large congregation of rats above the restaurant and also one rat chef, Remy (A.K.A Little Chef) the Parisian public kept coming back to enjoy the fine food the restaurant offered. However, in this time tension had been building behind the scenes in the kitchen and in the relationships within it, this is the tale of the fall of “La Ratatouille”. 

Linguini had proposed to Colette only a few weeks after their new restaurant had opened by hiding the engagement ring in her chef’s hat, she let out a pig-like squeal in excitement when she eventually untangled it from her thick, liquorice hair. For some reason they decided to get married in England, it was here the problems began. Linguini, eye candy and ring leader of the group, wanted to take the boyo’s (Remy and Anton) out on an absolute mad one the day after the wedding, so they did. It started in a local Spoons, with Remy, the fucking lightweight, getting tipsy after 3 pints of Shloer. Remy was of a homosexual persuasion, and in his drunken state was already “getting kinky” with the cutlery. Meanwhile, Anton and Linguini had already whipped through 12 lagers each and 7 shots of vodka. During the formative weeks of “La Ratatouille”, Remy and Linguini had noticed Anton spending large amounts of time just gazing at children in the school near the restaurant and came to the conclusion he was a pedophile, this was further evidenced by the fact that in Spoons he had already tried to chat up 3 different waitresses all at least 30 years younger than him. Furthermore Linguini who acted like a filthy little simp around Colette, was an actual chad and would never pass up an opportunity to flirt and had already made quite an impression on the ladies sitting on the table opposite them. Despite their quirks the boys had it set in their minds they were gonna have a wild night and no one could stop them. Having drunk a large amount Linguini said “Shit lads I forgot, we better get moving, we need to support local business”, he snatched up Remy and him and Anton stumbled out and towards the local pub, “The Flamingo’s Scrotum”. Once they got in Anton, in his deep, thicc voice, bellowed “Fuck me, it’s dead in here”, Linguini agreed “Tis big boi but you know how important local business is to me”. Anton thought best not to argue, not after what happened last time, and they went to find a table. Having ordered more drinks, the lads sat and chatted reasonably civilly except Remy who was absolutely totalled after chugging the Froot Shoot Anton ordered for him. Eventually the topic of conversation turned to Colette, Linguini proclaimed “Despite my promiscuous behaviour lads, I do love her and look forward to our eternal future together”, Anton threw up. Remy said “Simp, but fair enough bro I’m gay and i’d still love to tap that”, Linguini rose from the table in rage and cried ”How dare you say that about my wife, you slippery bugger” then grabbed Remy and proceeded to drown him in his pint of Guinness, Anton mid projectile vomiting managed to stop Linguini from finishing Remy off and they decided to call it a night. 

A couple months later back in Paris, Remy and Linguini’s friendship certainly wasn’t improving. They could still work together well but they no longer shared the indescribable bond between man and rat. Remy coped well as he had a big rat fam to hang with when not working, whereas Linguini was left with Anton who had no banter. Colette didn't have much time on her hands as well as she pretty much ran the whole restaurant as the only proper chef. She realised soon enough Remy was a showboat who would only really cook for critics or Anton, when possible, and claimed he didn’t want to waste his talent on the “everyday plebs”, this meant Colette despised Remy. That evening she got home late from work and said to Linguini, in her angered, french accent, ”I wish you’d drowned that little prick so I could throw his guinness-soaked body in a fucking furnace”. Linguini replied “Jesus Christ Colette, you cheeky devil”, Colette said “Oh I am a cheeky devil, am I?” biting her lip. Long story short, they fucked, rolling pins played an oddly predominant role in the evening’s proceedings. The next morning Linguini got up, gave Colette a quick kiss, and decided to make her coffee and her favourite breakfast food, precisely 17 Weetabix swamped in 6 litres of full fat milk which just about filled the bathroom sink, it made Linguini gag but anything for his beautiful wife. 

The years dragged on, tension building and relationships weakening. Linguini was slowly starting to realise what a shit job he had rolling around like an orange, delivering people food like a slave. He was an alpha and thought he shouldn’t be doing such a menial task. As co-owner he decided he would put out a job listing for a waiter/waitress without the others approval. He popped up to Anton’s office and decided to list the job then and there. Just when choosing the logo for the advertisement in Anton’s download folder, Linguini stumbled across a folder named “science homework”, that’s odd thought Linguini, Anton hadn’t been to school for almost 40 years. Linguini opened it to find it stacked with copious amounts of furry porn, Linguini went pale instantly and scrambled to close the tab. Having finished the listing Linguini decided to approach Anton about it as soon as possible. Luckily he bumped into the creep on his skate home from work, “Oi Anton” Linguini yelled, Anton trapsed over, “Just found a shit ton of furry porn on your computer, I thought you were more into kids?”calmly Anton replied “Actually L-dog, i like a bit of both, hence why I am just browsing the specimens at this local recreational playground”. Linguini focused on his background and correctly saw a play park bustling with activity, “Uhmmmm… Ok, Au Revoir Anton” Linguini uttered skating away as fast as he could. Linguini was a man of morals and felt compelled to go to the police about Anton, despite him being a friend and business partner. After a small amount of digging the police found enough evidence to slap a restraining order on Anton meaning he wasn’t allowed with 250 meters of any child, effectively leaving him housebound for life. In spite Anton swiftly stopped investing in “La Ratatouille” and resigned as an owner, happy to live out his days off the money he made back in his critiquing days. This was a big hit to the business for Remy, Linguini and Colette but they struggled on, hoping to keep the dream alive and honestly were quite happy to be rid of that wanker. 

Without the financial backing of Anton, the restaurant couldn’t afford to support a new member of staff. So Linguini, reluctantly, went back to waiting tables. Colette noticed the toll this was taking on Linguini, his alpha spirit was slowly being sucked out of him by the mind-numbing job. One of the few positives to come out of Anton’s departure was that Remy and Linguini started to become closer again, Linguini longed for the evenings where he and Remy could just take a long walk down the river after work and talk about their feelings. Colette complained to Linguini often about how Remy was clearly trying to cuck her but Linguini would reply “Babe, i just need a place to focus on my mental health and talk things through with my bro, there’s nothing sexual about a good one on one with your boy”. Despite these chats, Linguini was still feeling more and more depressed everyday and this wasn’t helped by some shocking news which came exactly 4 years after the restaurant first opened. Remy’s only parental unit left, his father, had unfortunately died from AIDS. This fucked Remy up, even though he and his father had their differences, in the latter parts of his life they were really bonding and Remy desperately missed him. The restaurant was suffering from this as Remy’s heart was no longer in cheffing and the quality of food decreased rapidly. The evening after the funeral Linguini took Colette home and solemnly rewarded her with what he dubbed “the one pump orgasm”. Colette was surprised by this unexpected sex as in his recent depressive state Linguini had been very frigid. Having finished, Linguini said “There is something I need to do darling, I love you very much” whilst slipping on his wellies. Linguini sauntered down to the river, where Remy was waiting at the place they had had their first connection. They exchanged “the nod” both mutually agreeing on what was about to happen, Remy whipped out his concrete mixer and filled Linguini’s wellies with super fast drying concrete then proceeded to hop into the concrete himself. Linguini whispered “I love you Remdog” and launched himself into the river, swiftly being dragged to the bottom.

After the double suicide of Remy and Linguini “La Ratatouille” could no longer run and Colette shut it down and left Paris. However, the building left behind was still full of Remy’s rat family, who were now led by Emile who had started a fascist regime within the tribe and aimed to conquer Europe... 

La Fin


End file.
